I have this friend that knows she can say anything to me and it is okay. Of course, I can do the same with her. But, the other day I got a reality check from her. Actually it was a well meant question that she posed and I knew the answer as soon as the words left her lips.
It was around noon and Nancy and I had been out shopping since 6:00 a.m. You may ask why so early. Well, Stein Mart opened that early and the first 100 customers got a gift card valued up to $500. With the big sale they were having, we decided it was worth our while to try to get there to get one of the gift cards. We had assumed we would have to stand in line to get in and chances were we would not be one of the first hundred. Boy were we surprised.
I don't think it was a very good retail day for Stein Mart. When we first arrived at nearly 6:00 a.m. the parking lot was empty and there was no line of shoppers waiting to get through the door. My first thought was we had misread the advertisement and the big sale was actually another day. However, we slowly got out of the car and walked toward the store. The closer we got the more I was convinced we were in error. We got to the front door and walked into the breeze way, so to speak, and saw two women standing inside. We tried to open the entrance door only to find it was still locked. One of the women, apparently an employee, motioned to us that we still had 2 minutes to wait until they opened.
A bench was in the breeze way and Nancy and I sat down to wait out the two minutes. Now we were determined that not only were we going to be included in the first 100 customers, we were going to be numbers 1 and 2! When we realized our fate, we both started to giggle and we lost all composure, for two minutes.
The doors were unlocked and we were greeted with an employee holding a basket of small envelopes in a basket. Since neither Nancy nor I were born yesterday, we determined the envelopes contained the gift cars. All 100 cards were in the basket for us to dive into. Nancy took the top card off the stack. I, thinking I was being smarter, went to the middle of the stack to get a card. I did get a $5.00 card, but Nancy was having a lucky day and got a $50.00 card! Nancy was thrilled and I was thrilled for her. However, she did not wait for me to hit the sales racks. She made a bee dive toward the 50% off signs and she was in heaven. Myself, I must have thought I was in heaven based on how much money I ended up spending in a few short hours.
We shopped as Stein Mart and then went across the street to shop at Dillards, where another big sale was going on. By the time we left Dillards, most of our money was gone and we were ready for lunch and a rest. We had a great time and that was all that really mattered.
On our way back home I made the statement that so far this had been my best Christmas in years. Without skipping a beat, Nancy said, "Well, do you know the reason why?" Now, in my defense I could have said, "Yep, I just bought a boat load of stuff!" Or, I could have mentioned my newly found love for dance. I could have even said something about my weight loss. But, I knew what she was referring to and I concurred with, "Yes, my attitude"!
My attitude toward life in general has had a great impact on my feelings toward Christmas this year. I can't remember when I enjoyed more being with people and going to special events. Giving Christmas gifts has been, and will be, a special joy. Christmas lights are brighter and the carols are more beautiful. Yes, this is a very blessed Christmas season for me.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a blessed new year!
Just a penny's worth...Becky
It has been nearly a year since I established this website/blog. It has been over a month since I last posted an entry. My surgery occurred 8 months ago. I have lost approximately 70 pounds, but still have a bunch more to get rid of.
Don't let anyone tell you that weight loss surgery is the cure all for obesity. There is so much more involved then going under the knife. Your mind plays games with you before surgery and that simply does not change when the surgeon pronounces his work as having been well done.
Loosing weight after weight loss surgery has, to be perfectly honest, been as difficult for me as it has always been. The major difference is at first it came off a lot easier. However, as the months have past I have experienced some frustration that I wasn't expecting. Maybe I am doing something wrong. Maybe I am eating too much. I know I am not eating foods (except maybe on vacation) that I am not supposed to eat. I have cut back on carbs a great deal but that doesn't seem to have much of an impact.
If I am honest with myself, my lack of exercise is probably the culprit. I was doing great there for a while, but due to health issues, I couldn't go swimming for a few weeks and that was my primary source of exercise. However, I have started taking ballroom dancing lessons 3 times a week. I am finding I actually get more exercise dancing than I did swimming. So, I am hoping the issue of exercise will no longer be a problem.
Now, I am not gaining weight. I am just not loosing it like I thought I would. So, that is frustrating. I will loose the weight, but it isn't going to be as fast as I had wished. I will say that my saving grace is the fact that I was in eating disorder treatment and I have learned to deal with the mind issues that got me where I was in the first place. The treatment was expensive, but I surely did benefit from it.
I say all of the above in order to close out this blog, to say good-bye. But, I am not going away! This blog has limited me to writing primarily about weight loss surgery. To be honest, again, that gets somewhat boring after awhile. So, I have created a new blog and, if you haven't already, are invited to subscribe to it. The subject material is anything and everything. Whatever I want to write about, I write about it. Here is the hyperlink to it: Just A Penny's Worth
Well, it has been a trip. I am feeling so much better than I was when I started this journey. This time last year I could hardly walk as my feet hurt me so badly. I was on high blood pressure medicine. My depression was out of hand. I had just been diagnosed with sleep apnea, and my sugar level was in question. A year later and I am literally dancing through life and loving every minute of it.
Come see me at Just A Penny's Worth.
Becky
I guess those of you who have been following this blog realize it has been several weeks since I last made an entry. It isn't because I have just forgotten about it, I have thought of my need to update often. My major problem for maintaining my blog as current is more the lack of anything to write about. I have learned that once my weight loss surgery occurred and I lost the majority of my weight, milestones and new experiences are few and far between.
However, I did have a couple of new experiences last week while I was on vacation. The good experience was I ate sea food that was fried. I honestly never eat fried foods, even did that most of the time before my surgery. But, as I was taught in food addiction treatment, I decided to eat it and enjoy it and not feel guilty about it. So, I did and I don't regret it at all.
The other experience was not so good. Eating ice cream had not been in my plan for vacation but I wanted some so badly. So, one night i ate a cone of low fat soft serve ice cream from McDonald's. That was the best ice cream I have ever had, but I did get nauseated afterward. Not bad sick, but enough that I wanted to go to bed and sleep it off. Well, on the way back home from vacation I decided to drive through and get one more cone. Boy, was that a mistake. No sooner had I gotten the ice cream cone down did I begin to have significant pain. I am not talking a little discomfort, I am talking bending double pain. Since I was driving alone, I had to pull over at the first opportunity, which happened to be a rest stop. I leaned my head out the door of the car and tried to relieve myself of the carbohydrates that was causing my pain. Nothing would come up and so I just had to suffer until the episode was over. This is called "dumping" and it feels like the entire lower portion of your torso is being twisted into one big knot. It is awful.
In any event, the most severe part of the dumping episode lasted about 20 minutes. So, I had to wait before I felt well enough to drive. Once I got back on the road the pain had pretty much subsided but I still felt a little sick to my stomach. But, I made it home, loved on my two doggies, and went to bed.
I learned two very important lessons from eating on my vacation. I will gain about 5 pounds from a week of eating fried foods and a couple of ice creams. If I eat too many carbohydrates I will be in pain.
Even though I paid for my "sins" while on vacation, in less than a week I have lost the 5 pounds I gained and I never want to be in pain like I was on that trip back home. It just ain't worth it.
Now, back to the issue of keeping my blog updated. I hate to find blogs that are not kept up-to-date. It makes me feel like someone is dying, or has died, a slow cyber death. And, I do not intend to let that happen to me.
To be honest, I just do not have that much to write about concerning the subject of weight loss surgery. Except for my vacation experience, my eating has become routine, that way of life I had hope for. The fact that I came home and weighed after my vacation tells me that I have changed. Before my surgery I was in denial and would not weigh. Weighing has been incorporated into my life and I am dealing with my weight realistically. Hey...those big bucks I paid for surgery and treatment have paid off!!!!
This update in my blog will not be my last, but that may be true soon. I want to continue writing and a blog is an excellent venue for self-expression, opinions, and observations. So, I will be putting a new blog on line soon. Right now I just can't decide what direction to take it. But, when I do, this web site and blog will come down. I think it has served its purpose, and has benefited me greatly as my life has evolved into a happier and healthier person. I just hope it has been helpful in some way to others.
I will be back and let you know where you can find my new blog. I have a lot to say beyond weight loss. It should be interesting!
Becky
After nearly 30 years of being out of the dating scene, I had forgotten how vulnerable you become in such a situation. This is especially true with a "blind" date, which I went out on a couple of weeks ago. Now, 60 pounds ago I would never have had the self confidence that is required for a date with someone I had never met. But, feeling better about myself I thought it was worth a shot.
He was a very nice person, a widower of about 5 years. He was pleasant looking and seemed to want to impress me. As far as blind dates go, it was not a big disappointment. However, that is about as good as it got...for me anyway.
He wasn't much of a conversationalist, but that was okay as at times I tend to be somewhat introverted myself. He had a good job for years, but was recently disabled. That was no big deal as well. He was definitely someone who lives his life based on a high moral code. But after all of this is said and done, "it" just wasn't there.
I went out with him again yesterday. I thought I owed it to myself, and probably to him as well, to give it one more try. I did, it didn't, and I tried to explain to him why I just didn't think it was working. I really don't know if he was feeling the same way, but something tells me he may have been. I hope so because I really didn't want to hurt him.
In the big scheme of things, this experience was a blessing that I had not expected. I now realize and am at peace with the probability that another man may not be a part of my new life's journey. I am loving myself and that is quite an achievement on my part. I don't need a man to make my life better. In fact, I don't know that my life could be any better than it is now. Yep, I am doing okay for myself.
So, I am okay and I hope my date is okay. However, life never ceases to amaze me. There is always a life lesson to be learned, regardless of age. A blind date it was, but even more it was an experience that allowed me insight and peace. Thank you, Lord.
Becky
I have an email from my late ex-husband that is nearly 2 years old. He sent it to me just a few weeks before he passed away from pancreatic cancer. I read it from time to time and I am always amazed at his strong and determined words as a dying man.
From the email I gather he was at peace. He didn't want to die, of course, but he accepted it and endeavored to make the most of his last days. I should only hope that I will be as brave when my time comes. He was an important person in my life for so many years. In fact, to this day my memory of him continues to impact my life to some extent. My grieving from our divorce and his subsequent death has been eased by time and my efforts to move on with my life, my new life.
God truly blessed me this weekend and part of my blessings was based my re-reading Jim's email. I was once again reassured by his words that he knew where he was going and would be waiting for me there. He thanked me for some advice I had given him when he had just begun his terminal journey. Then, just before he ended the email he reminded me to stop and watch the bunnies. That was one of our special moments of our life together. We stopped what we were doing one evening to watch what must have been two hundred bunnies playing in our front yard. Such a simply thing, but yet one of God's many miracles that is a reminder of how precious life is.
As he wished, I am seeing life as exciting and miraculous as it was on that warm summer evening when we stopped and watched the bunnies. Thank you, Jim, for your last words to me. Until we meet again...
Becky
Yes, I went to the doctor today for my 6th month post surgical follow up and was disappointed with what I found out, although not surprised. I had only lost 10 pounds since I was last there in June, which is about .2 of a pound per week less than they would have liked. So, we went through what and how I am eating and I think I have a better grasp of my needs in that regard. I really haven't been keeping up with fat grams and I am really not getting enough protein, so she thought that might be a lot of my problem. Of course more exercise is also encouraged, and I am trying to take care of that.
I also found out that if I can tolerate carbonation, it is more or less my decision as to whether I drink it or not. So, I got a Diet Coke and drank some a while ago. So far I seem to be tolerating it well. Funny thing is, it doesn't taste as good I as I remember!
Last, but not least, we also sat my goal weight at 130 pounds, which means I have about 70 more pounds to go. I told her I might be being too ambitious, but she said at that weight my BMI would be at 22 which is at the bottom of my range. She didn't see any reason why I shouldn't strive for it.
At the rate that I have been losing weight for the past 6 months, I have at least 6 more months before realizing my goal weight. Realistically, it will be probably more like 7 to 8 months, but I will get there.
After going to the doctor I stopped at Burlington Coat Factory, one of my favorite places to buy clothes. They had a big sale on clothes and, being the shopaholic that I am, I had to check it out. Well, I am now the proud owner of about 5 new tops. The exciting thing about it is they are all 1X in size! Before surgery I was in 3x's! Can you say "big difference"?
Folks, I feel the end of my weight loss is now in sight. I know how to get to my goal weight and am heading straight for the finish line. But, hang in there with me as the weight loss is just a mile marker on the road of this journey.
Becky
You may recall I had my gastric bypass surgery on February 7, 2011. Prior to surgery I attended support groups specifically for the patients of New Life Center for Bariatric Surgery. However, due to my participation in intensive treatment for eating disorder s the past six months, at the rate of 3 group sessions per week, I had not been to one of the support groups until this past Tuesday evening.
Now that I have been graduated from eating disorder treatment, I decided it was time to get back into attending the support groups. I have to be honest though. I nearly didn’t go because; well I just nearly didn’t go. I guess my feelings of frustration with the lack of weight loss surfaced and made me almost dread rejoining the group again. But I went and I am so glad I did.
I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to participate and benefit from the eating disorder therapy program. However, the bariatric surgery support groups are composed of individuals who are either awaiting surgery or have had surgery. That is one common bond everyone in the room shares. Everyone is anxious about their pending surgery or they have been dealing with the results of their surgery. Some people have begun losing weight while others have lost a great deal of weight. Emotions vary, greatly depending on whether you are pre or post-surgery. Our failures and successes have manifested due to surgery.
I will admit it is rather an interesting looking group. The weight of each individual can vary from around 400 pounds to as low as 120 pounds. It is no strain on the mind to understand why most of the people are “signing up” for the surgery but not so obvious with others. It is amazing what a radical impact the loss of only 50 pounds can be made on health issues. But, those 50 pounds can be just a challenging to lose as 200 or 300 pounds. Of course those who have reached their goal weight are such an inspiration to those of us who are still climbing that mountain.
It was good to see some familiar faces and hear how they had been doing. As always, I enjoyed learning about the new folks, their stories and their goals. I felt connected the second I arrived and was comfortable that I was back home.
The greatest benefit I received from the evening was hearing that one lady had only lost 40 pounds since her surgery the first of March. You know, the misery loves company sort of thing. It also relieved some of my fears that maybe my surgery had not been as successful as it should have been. According to the two RN’s facilitating the group, the amount and time span for weight loss varies according to each individual. However, they suggested a talk with the dietician might be in order to see if there is some identifiable factor that might be slowing down the weight loss. So, as luck would have it I have an appointment with the dietician in one week!
I am one very thankful woman that God has blessed me with the professionals, tools and skills, knowledge, and support I need to be successful with my weight loss. I still have at least 50 pounds to go, but I will make it!
Becky
I can't believe I have not figured out a way to include something about my two babies, Winston and Clementine (respectively in the picture above), in an entry in this blog. They even have their own web site at The Wester Kids. Anyway, they are my pride and joy, most days! Winston, a Morkie, weighs in at 4 pounds and Clementine, a Brussels Griffon, is about 8 pounds.
I decided to write about them because they have been instrumental in helping in my weight loss journey. They tried to be even more helpful by begging for the food on my plate. Seldom, almost never, do they win that war.
About the only time I give them human food is when I am having some sort of green vegetable. Winston is a picky vegetable eater, but Clementine would eat veggies over her dog food. Most of the time I give them salad. Winston prefers salad dressing on his, Clementine will eat it with or without.
The other day I went to Pratt's Market to get some of their fresh, home grown vegetables. I ended up getting a "bunch" of Blue Ribbon green beans. The beans were simply very meaty and luscious. They made my mouth water as I was putting them in the bag for purchase.
Later in the day I decided I would break the beans and have some for dinner. I got the bag of beans and a colander and took them to the couch in the living room. I proceeded to break the beans, with Clementine at my side as usual.
As I broke each bean Clementine would lick her lips and look at me with an expecting glare. I knew she wanted one of the beans and she knew I knew she wanted one. I really hadn't planned on giving her any until one of the beans slipped between my fingers and landed in the floor. Faster than the speed of light, she gulped that bean down and returned to her favorite place to await for another bean. And, after I saw how much she seemed to have enjoyed her first bean, she did get several more and didn't have to wait for one to land on the floor. Needless to say, we both enjoyed the green beans.
Yes, my two babies are spoiled. They are at the center of my world. They have had to make some adjustments since I have lost weight. Before weight loss they both could fit comfortably on the ridge of my side when I was lying down. Since weight loss that space is now limited to only one. Just goes to show you what sacrifices they are willing to make to help their human!
Becky
One of the side effects from bariatric surgery can be hair loss around the 4th to 5th month post surgery. And, I knew this going in.
It is now, nearly 6 months post surgery, that I seem to be experiencing some degree of hair loss. It isn't coming out in hands full, but I am definitely dealing with more loose hair. Of course, the problem couldn't be a result of my having put color on my hair about 3 times in two weeks. I don't seem to be able to come up with the color that I want. Nope, it has to be the surgery.
As a result of my hair situation I am reminded of my mom. Mom had many surgeries over the years and with each surgery came more and more hair loss. So severe did the hair loss become that she had to wear a wig for a long while. Fortunately, she had a wonderful hair stylist who was able to gently treat her scalp and her hair eventually grew long enough that a wig was no longer necessary. Of course, by the time she could throw her wigs away she could not appreciate and enjoy her new growth of hair as Alzheimer's had already robbed her of the ability to even care.
So, I will deal with my hair loss. I am told it won't be to the extreme that anyone else will notice and it will grow back. While this is an minor inconvenience, it is not the end of the world.
In regard to my weight loss, it has been a struggle the past month or so. I have been fluctuating between one to three pounds on the scales. I was about ready to declare my surgery a failure until I did a little research and found out that a month or two plateau at this stage of the game is normal. So, I have increased my level of exercise and am, at least until I get over this hump, back on protein bars for breakfast and lunch. I usually eat a meat and veggie for dinner with a snack during the evening. It seems to be working as I have lost 3 pounds in the past 3 days! Yes!!!!
Becky
It was 1974 -1975, my year of waking up to many of the realities of adulthood. I sure wanted to be an adult, but I avoided many of the related responsibilities. Besides, I had a roof over my head, three meals a day, a warm and inviting bed, and a television to watch all day if I wanted. What else could a newly college graduate want?
Yes, I graduated from East Tennessee State University in August 1974 and lived with my parents until I finally got a job in August 1975. I will admit my newly acquired adulthood threw my parents and me into a year of stress and frustration. They loved me and I loved them, but I had learned so much in my 24 years of life that they could tell me nothing! I thought I knew it all didn't care to share my wisdom with them. I had arrived, as they say!
One of my newly attained responsibilities of adulthood was, of course, getting a job. I did want a job, but wanted to get it without any assistance from anyone else, especially my dad. Even though Dad knew a lot of people and was willing to assist me, I resisted at all cost. I wanted to do it my way, based on my own merits.
I was almost hired as a social worker somewhere in the hills of West Virginia. But my lack of experience ended up being the culprit that slammed that door in my face. Thank God it did as I know I wasn't ready for moving to a coal mining town by myself. But, if offered I would have taken it because I knew everything, you know!
I spent the year substitute teaching off and on and worked at a local retail store during the Christmas season. To be honest I was frustrated and living with my parents at that point in my life was difficult. I don't know who was more stressed about the situation, me or Mom and Dad.
Then the day came that Daddy sat me down and explained the facts of life. No, not the sexual facts of life but the facts of life as he knew them. He explained to me, in the most honest and caring way he could, that I had to move on with my life. He was setting me free and greatly encouraged me to get a job, right then. He would be glad to help me but regardless I had to get a job. He did go further and explained that due to the fact I was no longer in school he could no longer carry me on his insurance, so I had to get my own. What? I hadn't even thought about insurance. I soon found out that insurance, especially health insurance, would become a controlling force in my adult life. Who knew?
Within a week of giving in and letting Daddy make some contacts, I got my job and stayed with the same employer for 33 years. My job came with great benefits, including insurance. I sincerely owe my dad a lot for playing the insurance "card".
To my surprise, insurance has been more of a controlling force in my life than I ever thought would be possible. It was a factor in my getting a job and was also a factor in my not leaving my job. It has paid for several surgeries and various forms of treatment. And, again to my surprise, it is the controlling force in my outpatient group therapy treatment. I have been going to Moonpointe, a group therapy program for eating disorders, since February 2011. My participation in that program has given me many of the skills and knowledge I will need through out the rest of my life in order to maintain a healthy life style. I am blessed to have been able to take advantage of this opportunity.
A representative from my insurance company contacted me a couple of days ago to inform me that my coverage for Moonpointe was being terminated as of July 14, 2011. Based on the reports from my therapists, I have made so much progress that they, my insurance decision makers, felt it was time to cease the treatment. I will agree that I have made a lot of progress and maybe it is once again time for me to move on with my life.
So, I am on my own now. It is kind of scarey, but I plan on maintaining my success. I am planning on increasing my activity at my fitness center and involve myself in new projects with new people. Life happens!
Becky
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